Babylon
Esther: “..and I knowth that I mustn’t marry for a man to
sit at my right hand; however, nights are lonely.”
Esther’s man-maid, Haman: “Yes, my Queen. You are the most
respected and admirable woman in all the land. Saving the land of the Jews,
feeding the poor with crops as your own hand’s work. No man has the decency to
sit at your right hand and be your king.”
Haman pours Queen Esther a glass of water in the Throne
Room.
“And I must ask, who would you hope to have the bestowed
opportunity to become your right hand, to be the father of your children, to be
the King to the amazing Queen Esther of Babylon?”
Esther: “I have not been focusing on that until just
recently. While in Shushan at the festival of Purim, I met a few capable men
suitable for the position. Most complimented my beauty and capabilities as
Queen, but the most suitable man, Prince Ahasuerus of Persia, peaked my
interest. While handsome, he complimented my strength and compassion. While the
others followed me like a calf follows her mum, the prince stood next to me.
Selfless rather than selfish, a man rather than a boy, humble rather than
boisterous. It attracted my eye. This is why I hope to appoint him as my King
to the Queen.”
Haman: “Ah yes, my Queen. But, he is next in line for his
own throne, Persia. While becoming King of Babylon is quite a remarkable gift,
becoming King of Persia would giveth him enormous power.”
Esther: “Yes, Haman. Haven’t you know by now that I thought
of this? This is why I did not discuss it with you until now. We have remained
in contact with each other and he wishes to see me again; however, I have been
reluctant.”
Persia
Ahasuerus: “Hamideh, must I think that the beautiful Queen
Esther is interested or not? She has never needed a man by her side. In
Shushan, however, I fell in love with her and nowth, my heart yearns for her
love.”
Hamideh, Ahasuerus’s best friend: “Well, she is the most
admired woman. But, she is Queen and mustn’t leave her status to marry you. She
might resist because she mustn’t make her heart decide between love and duty. I
must also add that you are in line for the most powerful position, King of
Persia.”
Ahasuerus: “So you believe she loves me?”
Hamideh: “I’ve seen a great deal of lovers, and the way you
too looked at each other was obvious enough. It is love, my prince.”
Ahasuerus dances around the room with joy.
Ahasuerus: “I must go now, and tell her.”
Hamideh: “But you must give up your throne, and your sister
gets the position instead of you! And you are so loved by your people.”
Ahasuerus: “Yes, I have thought about this since the moment
I laid eyes on the beautiful Queen Esther. She is the one. I will gladly serve
at her feet, as King of Babylon. I will be on my journey now."
(503 words)
______________________________________________________________________________
Author’s Note:
In the Biblical Women unit, I chose to base my story off of
the story of Esther. In the Bible, Esther, born Hadassah, is the heroine of the
Book of Esther. Ahasuerus, the Persian king, marries Esther, who is of Jewish
decent. Esther is his second wife, behind the unruly Queen Vashti. When many
young, beautiful maids were shown before the King, Ahasuerus chose Esther.
Haman, the grand vizier, plotted to kill the Jews and convinced the King that
they needed to be disposed of. However, once hearing the news, Esther summoned
the courage to expose Haman to King Ahasuerus. When the King heard of the
Haman’s plan, he ordered him to be hanged. He issued a decree authorizing the
Jews in the kingdom to have freedom and defend themselves. This led to the Jewish
feast day, Purim.
My story is different from the original because although
Esther is known as a heroine, I wanted to make her legacy stronger in my story.
Esther is the Queen of Babylon rather than an orphaned maid. I made Ahasuerus
the Prince of Persia, who is next in line to be King of Persia, and he has to
choose between marrying Esther or becoming King of Persia. In the original
story, he is already King of Persia and chooses Esther to be his wife.
Unit: Biblical Women
Story: Esther by Laura K. Gibbs
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ReplyDeleteHi, Melanie! I really enjoyed your story; Esther is one of my favorite Biblical heroines. I think the love story you've laid out here is very compelling and cute. It's also complicated in a realistic way; you've definitely got thematic tension between love and duty.
ReplyDeleteAs for suggestions, I think you've written this as a script or screenplay, which is creative and unique. You do a good job with the dialogue, so it works. However, to make it even stronger, I would suggest adding some more details about actions and scene setting. Usually at the beginning of each scene, a script has a short description of the setting and even costumes, and there are details about tone, inflection, mannerisms, etc. in most of the dialogue. I would suggest looking up a short example of a screenplay to see what kinds of details you may want to add to put more motion and color in the story.
Keep up the good work!
(P.S. Sorry for the "Unknown" comment thing, if you saw that. I just figured out how to make my name actually show up.)
Hi Melanie, I really enjoyed reading your story here. I like the way that you wrote it out as a dialogue between the characters and kept it related to the Biblical theme. It is important that if you're retelling a story from such a historic and well known source that you do justice by it because everyone is pretty much familiar with the source and I think you did a great job of that. I think it would be cool to see Esther in the modern world..
ReplyDeleteHello Melanie! I loved the dialogue. It really showcased the characters' individual personalities as well as the significance of their situation. You really put the costs of their potential love into perspective by highlighting that the prince would be giving up the most powerful position in the known world to be with Esther. The fact that he thought of that and still wanted to be with Esther really shows the magnitude of their love. I think this story would've been more complete if their was some dialogue between Esther and the prince meeting and discussing their marriage at the end. That way you're not leaving the audience on a cliffhanger. It would also allow for some romantic dialogue. I feel like this story has set up well for that type of dialogue between the two. So really, it'd just be the conclusion of what's already been set up.
ReplyDelete